I was thinking of doing an ‘Ideas Rule’ post but I had no idea what ideas I wanted to write about (such an irony!) But while I was waiting for some last-minute inspiration, I got this letter. I just had to put it up as my mind was still drawing blanks like Marouane Chamakh. A lil’ warning tho’, the guy dey vex o!
*In Frank’s voice* The write-up you shall read from now on shall be that of December’s. Good luck!!
It’s so nice that you guys are excited about me. In fact, I’m excited that you’re excited about me, or am I? Should I really be?! Seeing as it is the ‘end of the year’, I guess you’d suggest I should be, abi? See your head! You’ve forgotten that I ALWAYS see the ‘end of the year’ whether you’re there or not! I am AT the ‘end of the year’ all the time. That is my location. It is where I live. Mind you, it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, no. I mean, who’d be happy always carrying last?! The moron that is putting up this post actually made sense in his very first post here when he talked about being ‘in the middle of the pack’, just like Malcolm.
Anyway, this letter is not about me complaining all the way about being last. As you’re well acquainted, carrying last (as a month o) has its benefits. I’m probably the most talked about month in the year and I also belong to the ‘elite’ group of ‘Ember’ months. In fact, that’s where my beef for you guys start. Most of you hate being stereotyped, yet you do the same to this ‘elite’ group. For instance, if you see a ‘tribal-marked’ person in Lagos and you assume that he is a regular mumu, and treat him as such, you will have a big fight on your hands! But you people are so prejudiced against the ‘Ember’ months that you hold special crusades with special prayer points nullifying all the ‘evil’ carried by the ‘Ember’ months. Its so crazy! Na we dey push you to get accidents ni? Simple explanation, some people get over-excited about the end of the year too early and run themselves into bushes, trees, over the bridges and even into other people! I mean, its annoying you have to blame all that on us, especially as such things still happen even more in other months. I know we’re ‘elite’ in every sense of the word, and therefore, are prone to being put in the spotlight but you guys should just recognise that we’re not really that bad. You guys should take it easy when you get to us but not necessarily more than other months. We’re just like every other month o, except that we’re elite sha. Hehehehe!
Now, coming to the ‘stigma’ you attach to me, I seriously don’t like it at all. You people make me out to be the month that turns you to broke asses at the turn of the year. That is a very bad slander! I’m very much peeved! You wake up on the first and start planning how you’ll get broke before the year runs out then blame it all on me! It’s so annoying, especially because I never get to even spend shi-shi! You decorate your houses, buy new clothes, shoes, cars, gadgets, problems, and so on, then you complain that December took your money! Can’t you just see how vain you guys are?! Did I ever ask you to do all those sh*t?! I dey vex o! Anyway, as a gentle-month, I’d simply explain how it’s seriously a problem with you people and should never be associated with me. After all the time I’ve taken to explain all these things, I expect no single complaint from you with my name attached to it, ever again, or else…! (Purposely left hanging, still deciding on repercussions.)
First thing you need to understand is that though you were taught to number your days, the reason is solely to know how to give thanks (birthdays inclusive). There are not ‘so special’ days that you actually have to spend by force. If you never knew, I was once the tenth month of the year (and I was quite happy with that) which actually always started then in March, until was it Gregory or Julius decided to do ojoro and upgrade January to first. See, preferential treatment didn’t just occur among you people, you had to bring that virus to us. Needless to say, I and January haven’t been friends for a while now. Well, that’s an issue for another day. But the fact is you guys don’t have to (pretend to) treat me specially. I’ll say it again, I’m just ANOTHER MONTH!!!
Have you ever noticed how Xmas Day and New Year’s Day aren’t exactly different from every other day (beyond the names)? Yea, that’s right, it’s because they really aren’t. You wake up the same way, breath the same air, walk the same road, eat the same way, see the same faces, speak the same way, watch the same T.V., and all what not! Now tell me exactly what makes the days special. It’s just how you feel inside. A deep sense of appreciation, a kind gesture towards others, help rendered to the less privileged, words of affection for loved ones, culminating in buying of gifts for those cherished, often marks those days. My argument is, why must it be just on those days? Don’t you think if you practice these things daily, the world would be a better place? Ok, even if it’s just one day every week or even in a month sef. At least, you people will stop rushing about for ‘end of the year’ cash to keep impressing other people and end up killing yourselves in all the madness while blaming us for it.
Imagine if you thought of years as a never ending string of days, there’d simply be no New Year’s Days & probably Xmas’s and all the senseless rush would stop. I really think that you guys should think more in days than months or years. God actually created day & night for a reason. He did things he had to do PER DAY (including rest). The long and short of it all is that the days are more important than the months or years! Use the latter for long-term timing & planning and use the former for actions. Stop reserving your best for some special ‘end of the year’ period, give it every single day! It’s just as simple as that! That way, we will all be better for it.
After all is said and done, never forget that I’m still a special month and treat me accordingly. Thank you for taking time out to read (even if it is for your good.) Like I said before, I expect no further complaints with my name in it. Share with your family, friends, colleagues, enemies and even those idiots who don’t like to read. Force them if you have to, it is for their own good too, even if it is how you’ll start your own daily actions. No further warning will be provided! Chikena!
Till some other time.
There you have it. And the stupid thing called me a moron. If I fit catch am now, ehn… Anyway, it’s up to you guys to decide how to react to his words (I’m assuming he’s male by default.) So, me I’m done here o. Let me go in search for stuff for ‘Ideas Rule’ (I’m open to hints sha.)