Bursting At The Seams

You have to commend the Nigerian government for planning strategies that might in the long run earn it a place in the U.N. “Hall of Aim”.

This week, the world woke up to the realisation that the world population has ‘suddenly’ hit 7 billion and a few of us were rightly concerned about the development. The thing is, the fact that an extra billion has been added to the number of people alive in about just 12 short years shows how good the health system worldwide has become. But we have to be generally concerned about the ‘overcrowding’ effects.

Coming back to the Naija issue, I heard the government is planning another National Identity card scheme (which they claim will be different from the previous ones just like the previous ones were different from the previous-previous ones) and I thought to myself, what could be the idea behind this? It didn’t take long to see what the overall plan is. Foreseeing the eventual population blow-up, the Nigerian Government decided to take ‘proactive’ steps to tackle it and also keep records.

“How will it work?”, you ask. Well, so simple. They start the I.D. Card scheme and subtly take an estimate of the current Nigerian population (remember we’re the most populous black nation), then they take out fuel subsidy and, BAAMM!! A chain reaction is set off and in under one year, if we don’t reduce the numbers alive through various violent crises (as we know Nigerians, like you and me, are always afraid to fight), it would have to happen through starvation & cannibalism! Before GoodLuck finally leaves us, another population stat will be taken. The U.N. will find that world pop has actually gone back down significantly to before the 7 bill mark and there the ‘Hall of Aim’ award will be handy.

Ok, really there could be reason to be worried about the phenomenal rise in pop. A group of people are concerned about the fact that Mother Earth might not be able to support us much longer. I’m not really disturbed by that sha, at least, if we become too much, and by consequence too heavy, earth will just start falling into one abyss carrying all of us with it, and some of us might be ‘lucky’ enough to even fall out and experience space like we’ve been seeing on TV. :). What I’m really concerned about is the fact that the more people we have, the crazier the world gets. It’s the truth! Just check out the stats:

The first billion in world pop was in 1804 and it took another 123 years before another billion was added in 1927. Between that time and now, (a time difference of 84 years) we added a whopping 5 billion more. Is it a coincidence that some of the worst crimes in human history have been committed during this time or some of the weirdest things have happened? No! Along with increase in the number of people comes a regeneration of crazy thoughts and ideas and subsequent decline in human values. It’s like somebody wakes up one day and decides to ‘do the world a favour’ by reducing its pop a lil’ (Columbia school massacre for instance) and more crazy stuff occur on daily basis.

Alongside the crazy things that happen are also the possibilities that we might run out of space to live in. Some countries are already preparing for that though. As Mother Earth decided to make herself 70% water, they have also decided to make those waters habitable. A good example is the Palm Islands off the coast of UAE. But nature is so balanced that it won’t take any cheating, it retaliates by eating off part of the coast in return so the idea ends up looking like a bad one. We may be helpless afterall! Ha!

Beyond that, feeding issues could develop. This one that it already seems as if the food we’re producing is not even enough to feed us all, lots of people might end up seeing more food on the Food Channel than physically and then the most basic kind of pop control will be resorted to. We’ll have to start eating one another out of both hunger and anger! We’re in serious trouble o!

Anyway, as a good citizen of the world, I decided to take a look at the causes of the phenomenal increase and possible solutions so I came up with the following:

1. Health Services: Improvement in this area has been touted as the major cause of pop explosion. Those days when u could die of a slight headache because no Panadol was available are gone. Now, even the most complicated diseases can be managed. The number of babies and mothers dying at childbirth have drastically reduced. In fact, it’s a surprise we’re just reaching 7 bill since.
iSuggest: We should close some of the best medical facilities until further notice. Medical research should henceforth be illegal. Anyone found funding or, in any way, participating in it will be sentenced to death by hanging (helps further decrease in world pop). M.P.s’ paychecks should be slashed by 90%. That should make them think of other professions (farming will make a meaningful shift).

2. Technology: This has, in no small way, contributed immensely to the increase in the number of people in the world community. How do they carry out successful transplants? U guessed right! Tech gadgets have aided “Number 1” so much that it’s almost impossible for any new killer disease to exist for long. But “Number 2” didn’t just stop there, no. With the invention of the internet, it has become a serious problem keeping porn out of homes. And with that menace comes an increase in the urge to ‘practise’, especially among young people. Now, we’re getting the results.
iSuggest: Technology has the tendency to be used for extreme good or evil so we can take advantage of that. Bad or faulty products have done their part in stemming the tide of pop growth. So a conscious increase in the production of such should ensure yearly mortality rates quadruple. We will have to shut down every manufacturer of medical techs. All hospital equipment should be banned from use for the next 10 years. By then enough people should have gone the way of the grave and our precious pop should be reading below 5 bill. Strict penalties against porn (death, for instance) for both producers and ‘consumers’ alike, should take care of that side.

3. Sex Education: Believe it or not, a major contributing factor to the world pop is that younger people are reproducing like mad. And what is the cause of this? Yeah, I know we’ve stated one above but this one is more subtle. Parents think they’re doing the right think but most of them probably never heard the saying that “Curiosity Killed the Cat.” It’s just like when your mom just finished cooking a delicious pot of soup and you probably didn’t know anything about it, then she calls you in your room and says, “Don’t touch the meat in that soup”, before going out. You and I both know exactly what you’d do. The same thing applies to sex talks. They talk to us about it and we start wondering (like Adam & Eve) “why don’t they want us to go there?” We eventually try to check for ourselves and then we contribute our quota to the ‘wrong’ side of world stats. I’m pretty sure stuff like this were never spoken of in the Elizabethan Era, even through to the Victorian period. Little wonder world pop then was under serious ‘control’. Now look at what we have! It’s no coincidence!
iSuggest: We simply have to outlaw Sex Education (both home & school). Period!

My research still goes on as this is an on-going project. I will appreciate any support from you guys. By the way, we’re still looking for that 7 billionth kid. His/her f**k up needs to be treated as soon as possible!

Thank you for joining in the fight against world population explosion.

Have a great weekend!!!

I’m Outta Here! *peace*

We may need to get some people out for the rest of us to survive, abi?

We may need to get some people out for the rest of us to survive, abi?

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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