BB Funnies!

U go fear fear

U go fear fear

This week, though a lil’ later than usual, I bring you a couple of interesting jokes from the BBM world. Enjoy!

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A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with
her for #10,000. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he
did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a
cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”

… On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the
whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a
cheque for #5,000 and enclose the following typed note:

“Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for #5,000 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending
the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the
impression that:

1 – it had never been occupied;
2 – there was plenty of heat; and
3 – it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.”

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for #5,000
with the following note:

“Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you
don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
landlady.
***************************************

What is Stress!!!
You gave a lift to a beautiful girl,
she fainted inside your car & u took her to the hospital.
Now that’s stressful,
But at the hospital d Doc said she is pregnant & congratulated u dat u’re going to be a father
You denied, but the girl said you are.
This is getting very stressful
To prove Your not D father , U requested for a DNA test.
After the tests, the doctor said you are Sterile and can’t impregnate a woman &
You are extremely stressed but relieved.
But On your way home, you suddenly remembered you have 3 kids at home…
Who the Hell is their father?
NOW THAT’S STRESS!
*********************************

A female teacher was having problems with a boy in her class of 3rd graders.
The boy said,”Ma’am, I should b in 4th grade, I’m smarter than my sis & she’s in 4th grade’.
The teacher had had enough of his complaints & took d boy to the Principal’s office.
She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th grade should know.
Principal: What’s 3+3?
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6?
Boy: 12
& so on..
The Principal asked the boy many questions & d boy got them right.
The Principal then asked the teacher to send the boy to 4th grade.
She decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.
Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of that I’ve only 2 of?

Boy: Legs

Teacher: What’s in your pants that you have but I dont have?

Boy: Pockets

Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubble Gum

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I?

Boy: Tent

The principal was looking restless.

Teacher: A finger goes in me. U fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When Ï’m not well, I drip. When u blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose

Teacher: I’ve a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy:Arrow

Teacher: What starts wit ‘F’ & ends with a ‘K’ & if you don’t get it, you have to use ur hand?

Boy: Fork

Teacher: What’s it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin & is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher, “Send the boy to the University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!!
***************************************

A goat & a chicken were discussing & walking along the roadside when, suddenly, a car passed and splashed
water on them. Angrily, the chicken hissed and said, “Don’t mind them that is how they drive, like a goat.”
The goat smiled and said, “Hmmm,
no wonder they die like chicken.”
*****************************************

Chicken story
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock: “Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired. Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can’t I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters. Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might. Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang…..! Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, “Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I’ve bought this week.”
**************************************

How to know if u are Normal :

1. U have a facebook account

2. U have a blackberry or iphone or ipod

3. U watch MTV nd music channels

4. U r fully aware of adult stuff

6. U register to unlimited texts

7. U sleep late

9. U were so busy u forgot to read number 5

10. U actually scroll up again to see if there is number 5(don’t worry coz there is no number 8 as well )

11. Now u are smiling, possibly laughing @ yourself.
***************************************

Categories of BBM Contacts:

1. The Regulars – They love fun and are regular broadcasters of nice messages.(y)
2. The LOLs – All They do on BBM is say ‘lol’, ‘lols’, ‘loools’ or any similar inane variant of any of the foregoing, to any msg you send. Annoying 8-|

3. The stalkers – All they do is check out your profile, DP, message or status, save pics of you and that’s it. Freaks/Pervs.:O

4. Gbegboruns – when this lot check out your profile, all they ask is ‘who be dis?’ Or ‘where you take dis pic?’ Or ‘wetin make u dey positive? Blah blah blah”. O ga o.:x

5. Ghosts – These ones never reply or send or change their DP or msg or do anything. You need to check their pulse once in a while to confirm if they’re still alive3-|

6. Off and ons – These ones na-
– How far?
– I dey.
– Kk
D conversation don end till another 6 monthsX_X.

7. Chameleons wey no get work wey just buy bb – these ones dey change their DP, msg and name every 5 mins, or dem go take ‘smiley’ and rubbish font write dem name you go begin find dem every time u wan send dem a msg. Bush wahalla :s.

8 The ones wey need to work with McAfee antivirus – Na every time their phone dey crash and they need to add you again and again and again.:p

9. Lamentators – one can write an epistle about them from their msgs…
– dis is my month IJN
– ah God save me from my boss
– I need money to renew my BB subscription ooo
– Traffic is bad on 3rd Mainland
– Transformer 3 was d bomb
– I just crossed Oshodi express way
– I luv u my mummy etc (=|:'(

Men, this Naija sef……U̶̲̥̅̊na know unaself!!!!!
*****************************************

Hope you enjoyed this set. Will be back next week with ‘Shit Happens’!

Have a great week!!!

BB Off

BB Off

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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